Crisp Management!

United have appointed their new manager, Roy Walker is the latest 'magician', who has been given the task of awakening the so called 'sleeping giant', that is United. Roy's first task was to appoint Scot's man Billy Sinclair as his first team coach, replacing Jeff Montgomery, who along with reserve team manager, David Dorian, has joined the 'Marty Quinn' revival mission at Clandeboye Park. His next task will, in our opinion, be a 'wee' bit harder, namely turning the 'under-achieving' Sky Blues into a challenging team. Surely it won't take someone as shrewd as the ex-Crues supremo long to realise that United are carrying far too much 'dead wood'. Garth Scates, Mark Picking and Stuarty King are three who are well past their 'sell by date'. While fullbacks McClean and Wray are still a long way behind Boydie and Carlisle, two legendary United fullbacks of the modern era. That's almost half of the United regular squad on match days and just shows the monumental task facing our new manager. The new season is just 9 short weeks away and rumours are rife that United may lose at least 2 of the better players in their present squad, so manager Walker needs to get on the ball almost immediately. Roy stated that he had to ask God's guidance before taking over the United manager's job, we assume he has received 'divine' assurance so hopefully he will now press on with the job. Only time will tell if Walker is the 'messiah' who will lead us to victory over the infidel (Coleraine, Linfield and Cliftonville, to name but three), hopefully he is and we can then 'prey' on our rivals this incoming season!

Roy Joy!

Just heard the news that Roy Walker has asked for time to seek an answer from 'God' (not David Jeffrey, we have been assured), as to whether he should take the Ballymena job. Is this the same God, who told Nathan McConnell not to sign for United, but also instructed him to elbow United keeper Paul Murphy during the 'infamous' leg of lamb riot. If so there can only be one of two outcomes, he will either (A), not take the job, or (B), he will take the job and carry on with the 'promises but no reward' policies of his predecessors, nobody (as has been well documented by those dear Coleraine fans), has delivered the goods since dear old Alex McKeee in '89. We at 'Sport have also heard that the best advertisement for Bushmills whiskey, Roy Coyle, has been linked with the job, it's bloody scary isn't it? Rumours that Roy Melchester (Roy of the Rovers), is a possible candidate have been denied by a United spokesman, while Rob Roy is refusing to rule himself out if he can find a new 'claymore', whatever that is. Despite huge scientific advances we have been assured that 'Roy Rogers' and his assistant 'Trigger', remain too dormant to even be considered. Rumours that Ronnie McFall (maybe he should change his name to Roy), is interested in the post, have not been confirmed by the United's board. Maybe the man favoured by most Sky Blue fans (Marty Quinn), there we've said it, will need to change his name by deed poll, if he is to be considered for the post. Might we suggest the name Roy McCoy, then he might be the real, 'McCoy', as far as we're concerned, these others are only pretenders!