Roy Joy!

Just heard the news that Roy Walker has asked for time to seek an answer from 'God' (not David Jeffrey, we have been assured), as to whether he should take the Ballymena job. Is this the same God, who told Nathan McConnell not to sign for United, but also instructed him to elbow United keeper Paul Murphy during the 'infamous' leg of lamb riot. If so there can only be one of two outcomes, he will either (A), not take the job, or (B), he will take the job and carry on with the 'promises but no reward' policies of his predecessors, nobody (as has been well documented by those dear Coleraine fans), has delivered the goods since dear old Alex McKeee in '89. We at 'Sport have also heard that the best advertisement for Bushmills whiskey, Roy Coyle, has been linked with the job, it's bloody scary isn't it? Rumours that Roy Melchester (Roy of the Rovers), is a possible candidate have been denied by a United spokesman, while Rob Roy is refusing to rule himself out if he can find a new 'claymore', whatever that is. Despite huge scientific advances we have been assured that 'Roy Rogers' and his assistant 'Trigger', remain too dormant to even be considered. Rumours that Ronnie McFall (maybe he should change his name to Roy), is interested in the post, have not been confirmed by the United's board. Maybe the man favoured by most Sky Blue fans (Marty Quinn), there we've said it, will need to change his name by deed poll, if he is to be considered for the post. Might we suggest the name Roy McCoy, then he might be the real, 'McCoy', as far as we're concerned, these others are only pretenders!