Betting Scam!

Just heard the England result, a draw and 'baldy' Rooney sent off and we got a tip today, purportedly from Baldy's dad, that the match would end in a draw, but he give us the wrong score, crafty Scouser! Now we've got a tip for you, United are going to beat Portadown tomorrow, by two clear goals, how do we know, we heard on the grapevine. Well it is the law of averages, we been crap at home in this the first round of matches and the law of averages says this is about to change and knowing our luck it will change tomorrow. In the next phase of the league, match 12 to 22, we have 4 games at home and 7 away. So the law of averages says we're going to win all our 4 home games and lose or draw all our 7 away games.

Now for tomorrow game, we don't have a clue to the manager's thinking, he surprised last Saturday, by leaving Watson on the bench (rumours that he was suffering flu symptoms persist) and dropping Sparky and playing the 'fat' Conor Downey. We know Downey is his man, but he surely needs a man with real stamina and Sparky fits into that mould very nicely. We have no time for favouritism, we need the best team on merit that we can find and Sparky, giving the long injury list that we have, is the best option and a man with real heart for the club. Elvis, seems destined to play a bit part at the club, one game in eight, seems to be the criteria, so Roy has to decide whether to leave him out or not. We think he'll persevere with him, he's not a good target man, but we haven't got anybody else.

With three ex-Portadown players in our ranks it's a safe bet they will get extra attention from the Ports fans, no doubt our fans will reciprocate on a certain Chris Ramsay, we hope as in the old saying, we are crowing at the end. Baker, has been quiet of late and we are sure he'll want to show Ronnie McFall and the Ports fans what they're missing and Ally, is due another match winning performance. But the one man who can really inflict the most damage is birthday boy, Cutch, what a 33rd birthday that would be if he was instrumental in helping United to a first home victory, over the man who released him over a year ago. So it's all set for a good match, United need to fear nothing, everybody is expecting us to lose, but we can win it, so come on Sky Blues, let's shag those apple pickers!